There is something on my mind. I feel betrayed and need to share it. Let me explain……..
Have you ever idolised someone?
Anyone?
A musician, movie star, artist, author, someone creative who inspired you, someone who you look up to for other reasons, a real hero, first responder, armed forces. Anyone at all?
Most of us have at one time in our lives.
Then you may understand how it feels when someone you idolised lets you down.
That’s what happened to me.
Anyone who has read my book reviews, follows my social media, or knows me, knows I had a favourite author. One who stood out above all my ‘favourite’ authors. For this blog post I’m just going to call him S.
S’s words reached me like no other author has. I loved his work, I read and reread, I reviewed, I promoted his books on all my social media, constantly talking to people about his books and recommending them, nominating and voting for his books for awards, asking nothing in return. Reading his words gave me such joy. The minute a new book was released I would buy it from Amazon and read it in one sitting. I believed in him and I could not get enough of his books.
In November 2017, S was having a sale for his signed books on his website. I wanted those signed books. I had only read his words on eBook so to hold in my hands the words S had written, the words that had brought me so much joy, in a signed book, I don’t have the word to describe how I would feel. But I live in Australia. Many authors don’t sell their signed books to us because of the postage costs, but I was willing to pay for the postage.
I contacted S to ask if he would send his signed books to Australia. He told he had recently found out about a parcel he could send three books in at a fixed postage cost. We discussed which books and agreed on a price and he would send them when one of his latest paperbacks I wanted arrived from the printer.
On Thanksgiving 2017 I sent money via paypal to S for six signed books and postage. My children gave me money towards it for my Christmas present, my 2017 Christmas present, even though I knew it wouldn’t arrive until early 2018.
All our initial interactions were via Facebook Messenger. So in March 2018, (surface postage to Australia takes three months so I wasn’t expecting them sooner) I began messaging him to follow up. I got no response.
I started emailing, and on 4 July 2018 I finally got an email saying he got the book we had been waiting for and was sending them that weekend.
You can imagine my feeling of relief at that message, only it was short lived. The books never arrived.
Today, 29th December 2019, I still do not have any signed books from S.
Despite numerous messages and emails I have never heard from S again. My post in his Facebook reader group, just asking him to contact me about my book order, was deleted.
So, why are you telling me this, you might ask? And even if you didn’t I’m going to tell you anyway.
Firstly, it has been therapeutic for me to write this and I hope I will now be able to move on.
Secondly, I want people to be aware that your idols are human beings, and not all humans are trustworthy or deserving of our love.
I put my trust in S, I had idolised him, and because of that it was hard to think badly of him and believe that he could take my money like that and just ignore me. By the time I came to that realisation, and started following up for a refund via paypal or my bank it was too late for either of them to help me.
I want my situation to serve as a warning to others. If you don’t get what you paid for, regardless of who it is from, don’t wait to seek a refund through your bank.
In November 2019 I read on S’s social media that he had been struggling with alcohol and was now sober so the part of me that likes to believe everyone is good reached out one last time. I’m sure you’re not surprised that all I heard from S was crickets.
This has been a hard and expensive lesson to learn. I feel betrayed. I put my trust in someone and they let me down.
My children stopped asking me when I was getting the Christmas present they helped pay for. They must have seen the sadness on my face when they did.
Now, the books that I loved so much make me nauseous to think about. I can no longer read the words that used to bring me so much joy. and I will never buy another book from this author again. I am truly heartbroken.
I think this quote from the last email I sent S sums up how I’m feeling;
” I am not only disappointed but you have made me feel embarrassed because I told others about how wonderful your books are countless times, and I have promoted them through my social media, talked excitedly about the books I was going to receive, and now when people ask me it makes me look like a fool. “
I hope my situation of trusting blindly can serve as a lesson to you, not to stop trusting people, but to be cautious.
Have you had a similar situation? Start a discussion in the comments. I’d love to hear your experiences.
Note: This is my story and my experiences with one particular author. I did not name the author in this blog however if you do identify who he is please do not engage him on social media.
© Karen Holman 2019
Something On My Mind 